How to know an abusive relationship

How to know an abusive relationship

An Abusive Relationship

Are you in a relationship which you are not enjoying? Are you among the many who ask questions on how to know an abusive relationship, well this post is set to answer your question(s) on discerning what abusive relationships are.
A relationship is an emotional connection between two people. Once there is a form of emotional disconnect, then there is something wrong somewhere. Although your relationships are not and should not be a function of the brain, rather it should be controlled from your heart through your emotions,(It is wrong to start rationalizing through your stay with him or her), however there might be big hand writings on the wall indicating he/she no longer wants you or is taking advantage of you, this post is set out to make you decode those hand writings clearly and properly.

What is an abusive relationship?

In my own term, an abusive relationship is one in which the main purpose is lacking, one in which one party is taking advantage of the other-the main purpose being companionship, pleasure and “fellowship”. When one party takes advantage of the submission and emotion of the other, then the victim is in an abusive relationship. It doesn’t matter to which scale one takes advantage of the other.
Who abuses in an abusive relationship
For a very long time, there have been these beliefs that it is the men who abuse women. And so when abusive relationships are discussed, people only tackle it from the angle of males abusing women. No belief can be more false than these. Even men too are abused. A relationship being a function of the heart, if you are denied of certain things your heart crave for, you are being abused. It doesn’t have to be physical(which is the only form of abuse many people know), in fact some men are abused physically in their relationships-this happens mostly in marriage. I’ve heard countless times a man who is always slapped on the face by his wife

How to know an abusive relationship

In the following paragraphs, I will list a few indicators to abusive relationships, feel free to add yours using the comment area and/disagree with anyone. Please permit me to use “him/he” in the course of this post, the “Him/he” gender can be either male or female, depending on the context. Feel free to replace it with her or she (depending on your situation).

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1. He doesn’t allow you express yourself

From just sharing opinions to discussions, if he doesn’t allow you express yourself, then you might be in an abusive relationship. It makes no sense if he/she claims you are in their heart yet your ideas and ideals mean nothing or is trash to them. From as little as an expression, abuse begins.

2. You are scared of him

Why on earth should you be scared of your significant other? Once you are scared then you are being abused. In a relationship of love, there is no fear, they say and its true, Love conquers all fear, yes it does. There is a big difference between fear and respect, the later is very important in relationships, not fear. What makes you scared of him if not his tendency to abuse you?

3. He doesn’t want you around your friends or family

Either he doesn’t want you around your friends or family or doesn’t want your friends around you, whatever the case, you are standing a high risk of an abusive relationship. Why will he deny you of people who he probably met in your life?

4. He is overly possessive

I don’t know if being possessive is all bad, but I can categorically tell that being overly possessive is bad out rightly. He is your lover, not your owner(literally).

5. He is overly Jealous

This continues from the previous, it’s very alright to have a jealous lover, this means he doesn’t want to share you, which is good. But it becomes evil when he’s too jealous. He’s everywhere monitoring your move, who you shook hands with, who you say hello to. No No! If that is the case, there is a problem that should be addressed.

6. He uses foul languages on you

Does he call you names that are unprintable? He uses foul languages on you? Then, need I say more?

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7. He blames you for everything

No matter who brings or brought the advice, once the both of you execute it, you are to share the blame if anything goes wrong, if he is fond of casting the blame on you, then you are probably being abused.

8. He compares you unfavorably with others

When he compares you only to rubbish you, then you know what’s up. In the first place, there should be no comparison in a relationship; every individual on the surface of the earth is unique in their own way, why should you be compared to some other girl? If he does not appreciate you, then he’s better find his way out. Period!

9. There is been one or more of this

Has he physically assaulted you? Once, twice, thrice? Are you kidding me? Be gone already! Can’t you see he’s abusing you? There is no other explanation for that, don’t even wait for him to apologize, a leopard can never change its spot, it can only shed crocodile tears. Don’t be fooled. It’s surprising even women physically abuse their Men these days? (End time you call it? I don’t know what to call it myself…)

10. There has been constant public embarrassment

If there has been embarrassments from him to you in the public, what explanation do you have for that, if not that he wants to humiliate you always and make you feel less than you really are. The idea of abuse in relationships is just to make you feel you are less, to make you feel less than you really deserve.

11. Threatens you

My girlfriend once asked, “why are you threatening me?” The moment I heard that, I quickly explained to her what I was actually doing, knowing the implications of what threat in a relationship is, I can’t afford to threaten anyone, Not to talk of the one that makes me smile. Of course I wasn’t threatening her, I was only joking and she also made her statement jokingly but at that juncture, I stopped joking and explained, and stopped doing what I used to do that prompted that statement from her. If you ever feel threatened in a relationship, voice out, and when your significant other doesn’t change, then you are been taken advantage of, Leave!

12. He tells you

If he tells you to your face “NO one will want you”…. “I’m helping you by being with you” then the hand writing is big enough to be seen, you are being abused.

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13. You Experience more than 40% of the above

Do you constantly experience at least 40% of the above listed? Then I don’t think you are, I know for sure you are in an abusive relationship. The only antidote to that is a break up. Like I said, a leopard does not and cannot change it spot. Apologies are crocodile tears, don’t be fooled by it. There are a means of him crawling back into your life to wreck more and more havoc. NB:I don’t know if 40% is a good rating to leave, but you have to leave.

Better a broken relationship than a bad or broken marriage. I don’t want any person who “stumbles” upon this blog to suffer and form of heart break or any this of that sort.

There is no reason for you to be in an abusive relationship. I hope those who are, finds the courage to leave.

Why do people stay in an abusive relationship? How do I leave an abusive relationship? Why should I get out of this relationship, it seems abusive? If you ask any or all of these questions, then you  have to stick here, that would be my next post. I’ve answered that here

Over to you, what do you think an abusive relationship is? Have you been in any? How do or did you detect any or an abusive relationship? Do you think abusers can have a rethink and change? Of course share your views with us using the comment area below.


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Bisco is a high-performance coach, a personal finance strategist and an online business consultant. As a pro-blogger, I can help you succeed in or taking your business online.


  1. Hi Bisco

    Great thoughts on Abusive relationships. I do agree that if you notice 40% of the list you mentioned, one should just walk out.

    Thanks for sharing your tips. Take Care


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